The Soundtrack of my Life

When they make the movie of my life, every one of my love interests will be played by the same young Lesley Lawson look alike and every time I meet her the same Decemberist song will play. And each time she leaves me, I will be broken in new and unimaginable ways. And the cracks in my bones will fill with marrow and will be grow stronger and I will think "I will be ready next time". And she will come and I will love her in some new way, finding reason I had somehow overlooked before. Because my bones are stronger, and I love with my bones. I feel it in my joints and rib cage and shoulder blades. And she will leave, and break me worse then I knew was possible.

I would tell you that she come back for good, but this is the story of my life, and right now the cracks in my bones are filling with marrow and I will be ready when she comes again.


I'm not sure yet how to make it clear to the audience that its not really the same person... I'm sure we'll get it in editing.

But the soundtrack will be amazing.

I listen to a few bands that no one I know listens to. I've shared a few songs here and there, but no one has really caught the magic.The Decemberists, obviously, is not one. (Who doesn't love the Decemberists?)  But the Helio Sequence is. Do you listen to them? You should. Or not. I'll just keep them to myself.

But this song. This song.

Shake the Dust

Today I attended an event in which the speaker was a 9/11 survivor. She was thirty minutes late to work that day. She was standing in the lobby of the north tower waiting for the elevator when the plane hit. She felt the shaking, and she heard a high pitched whistle just before the entire lobby was engulfed in flames. The pressurized jet fuel in the plane exploded and sent a wake of fire down the elevator shafts. Over 80% of her body was burned.

They made their way out of the building and onto a little patch of grass across the street and started to roll and put out the flames. She said she saw many people around her stop moving. Just dying a few feet from her, and the only reason she didn't do the same was because she chose not to.

In the moment that she was nearest to death, when she felt every inch of pain so distinctly, when she was so close to the other side that she could reach out and touch it, she was given a choice. Dive into the relief and let it take her, or to stay here. To live. The impression I got was that it was as clear a choice as "chicken or beef". As if someone stood before her and asked a question. Live or Die?

And she chose to live.

Others didn't get that choice. But you get that choice.

I watched a documentary about this photograph today. The Falling Man. It was both terrible and beautiful and I loved it.

I'm living.

Today was my first day serving tables on my own. Some great friends and family stopped by to wish me luck and tip me well. I loved it even more than I knew I would. It was somber day for more reasons than you know, and even so, I felt a strong spirit that everything was OK in the world. Or at least that it would be. And sitting in the mingled silence of the train on the way home with a handful of strangers whose lives are full of problems and hopes of their own, sharing short smiling glances, I felt a little remnant of that togetherness that kept the world from falling apart twelve years ago. It was a beautiful kind of peace.

I have a new life since my last post. In my new life I don't blog much, but I sometimes have a pony tail and write poetry, and that's just as good. In my new life I serve tables in a Mexican restaurant and take the train to school. I like my new life a lot. So if I don't tell you often, I'll tell you clearly. Life is good.

Riding the night train home after work. The very definition of "serene"

Music You Can See

Pop culture is not my thing. Growing up I didn't watch movies and I didn't listen the music on the radio. I never understood (and still don't) the celebrity jokes on Conan. It was a real problem. Remember the 90's when everyone was obsessed with Tom Cruise? Well I'm just getting there guys!

So it shouldn't be a surprise, but will probably disgust you, that I never liked Justin Timberlake. Even hated him at times. Though there was a brief moment I liked "Love Stoned". 

But Justin is back making music after 7 years of hiatus working on his "acting" career. And I think I'm ready this time. 

I have listened to about 4 songs from his new album The 20/20 Experience and I already love it. Did you know all the songs are 5-8 minutes long? He was quoted to have said "If Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin can do 10-minute songs and Queen can do 10-minute songs then why can't we?" 

This live performance is just great.

Soul, Pop, Big band. It is the strangest combination and somehow it works so so well. So there you have it. I'm a JT fan. But we will see if it lasts. It has only been 10 hours since I made the decision. But the future looks bright. 

Listen to this.

"Do you question my powers of creating milk!?"

Two weeks ago me, my parents, my brother Taylor, his girlfriend, and my sister Aubri boarded a cheap, rickety plane Hawaii bound. My bargain hunting mother had found the sketchiest airline possible. I'm sure it was barley legal. But affordable!

Landing in Hawaii was amazing. Half of the Honolulu airport is outdoors, and when you step out into open air for the first time, its quite indescribably. Maybe I was feeling something more from having survived the flight without anyone getting shanked or the plane running out of fuel. I was 50% sure we would just drop out of the sky.

We stayed with my mothers friend who lives on Oahu. There were ants everywhere and her back yard had the most beautiful trees that bloom the sweetest smelling flowers year round. The flowers also had ants on them.

Highlights? The food! Seeing a whale right off the side of our little sailboat. Mom peeing her pants after meeting her favorite Samoan. The cute Tahitian girl at the PCC. 

The pits? On my third day out I got hives. This is the second time. Same time of year. The doctor said I'm either allergic to sunscreen or to the sun. Who's heard of such a thing!?

And now for your viewing pleasure.

 Please do not ride the turtles.
 Sunset Beach
 I was the only one with any desire to try the fresh fruit! This Mango was not ripe, and it was still the most delicious mango I have ever had.
 The saltwater does great things to curly hair. Me and Aubri were soaking it up.
We went to New Hope church on Sunday. They had an anatomy lesson and people dancing in straitjackets 

So there you have it. The most touristy thing I have ever done. I sat on the same beach that Jack sat on after Oceanic flight 815 went down on Lost. I swam in the same pond that Jenifer Lawrence swam in for the upcoming Catching Fire movie. She probably peed in there. I probably still have traces of celebrity pee on me. Such a  magical thought.

For a tropical paradise, this was the least relaxing vacation I have ever been on. There was just so much to see and do.  We were always on the move. Just a tip. Never go to china town.. terrifying.

Great trip though.

Hello There

Its 2:30 in the morning. I am sitting in the living room of my very cool but very lonely new apartment. It has been a year since I have blogged last. A whole year! Kids 4 years younger than me can buy cigarettes! And 2012 was awesome. It was the year I moved out. The year I visited my mission. The year I bought my first car. The year I started rock climbing. The year I learned to play guitar. The year I joined a gym. The year I quite the gym.

I did a lot, and I did it on my own. I'm sorry I didn't keep you involved. Whoever you are.

But there is still hope for 2013. It's already been eventful. I started school (and I question that decision every day). I moved to a nice house with a few friends but much to far from my other friends. I bought a dog. His name is Abe. He likes cheese and warm laundry.

So I'm not promising that I will be updating all the time... 

I have no way of ending that sentence. Or this post.