The Madness Ends Now

I have been hired as my mothers maid. For 2 hours a day and 3 days a week, I clean the house and keep it spotless, and my mom pays me. It's the most degrading job... and I'm just desperate enough to take it! But today is my first day (and I really should be cleaning now instead of blogging in my underwear) and I am finding that most of the messes in the house are caused by dogs...

I have 4 dogs living in my house. 4 dogs! Not by choice, but by circumstance. And those dogs are taking control and need to be stopped!

Don't get me wrong. My family loves dogs. But we love one dog at a time... With 4 dogs we are turning into THAT kind of family. The dogs run the world. They do want they want, and we clean up the mess. Dirty floors, knocked over garbage cans, little "presents" on the rug. And there is dog hair everywhere! On every fabric surface! And it sickens me.

This has never been a problem before. We let our dogs on the couch with us and it didn't matter because our dog, the Australian Shepherd, and the 2 past dogs we have had like her, do not shed. But that's not the case with some of the dogs we have now... Well, I actually think its just Vincent, the welsh corgi, but I'm not gonna discriminate.

I don't want us to be the family that has to apologize for the dog fur after you sit on their couch and keep a lint roller handy. We are not that family.

So it ends here.

I'm taking back our couches. No dogs allowed on the couches. And that means war...


The Enemy:

 #1.   Name: Autumn (bottom) (F)   Age: 1   Height: 2'3"   Weight: 50lbs   Breed: Australian Shepherd   Bio: Leader, owns the house, has lived here longest.

 #2.   Name: Vincent (Vinny) (M)  Age: 2 1/2   Height: 1'0"   Weight: 10lbs   Breed: Welsh Corgi   Bio: Sneakier than his farts and twice as cute.

 #3.   Name: Jack (Jack-o; Sir Stinky-cheeks) (?)  Age: 4   Height: 0'5"   Weight: 6lbs   Breed: Mutt   Bio: definition of "small-dog-syndrome"

 #4.   Name: Rue (F)  Age: 1   Height: 4'6"   Weight: 360lbs   Breed: Great Dane   Bio: Skittish, dumb as they come. Cannot be photographed in one shot.

I will keep a documentation of all the goings-on of the 'War on Dog-fur' here on this post and on my twitter account which can be found on the sidebar. Check back each day to hear how things are going and to show your support. They must be stopped!

Day 1: Needed to catch a dog in the act so that I could make an example of them. Gathered all the dogs together, which is hard because Jack and Vincent don't like to be in the same room together. They were all in the living room, but none were on the couch. I decided to lure Autumn, their leader, on the couch. When she got up, I promptly knocked her back down and made a big scene about it. All dogs were silent... I think they got the message.

Day 2: Retaliation started with Jack pooping on the carpet. As punishment I locked him in a room with Vincent for an hour. Continued to show dominance by stomping in front of them when they least expect and spasmodically waving my hands in their face; Striking them with both fear and confusion.

Day 5: The dogs cower and jump off every time I catch them on the couch, but they still get back up when I am gone. I am enlisting the help of every family member living at home. I cant do this alone. Side note: I cant have the dogs hating me. I am making a dangerous enemies... It might be time to rethink my tactics.

Day 8: Those who fear you will obey you, but those who love you will seek to please you... I'm gonna need a BIG-A** bag of dog treats!

Day 21: Stuck a bag of cereal on Vincents head today so he could eat the leftovers. He couldn't get it off and kept falling over. I couldn't stop laughing. When I finally took it off, he wouldn't stop following me around. I was his hero. I've got him eating right out of my bag.

Day 37: Mom bought new couches and the dogs don't like them as much....

Victory.

I Was A Zombie

For one awesome night, I was a zombie.

Thanks to KiDMACHINE..

The show was awesome. The beats were sick and the chicks were undead. At some point the back door was opened and it was poring rain. Everyone ran out to dance and splash in the puddles. Then we all came back in and danced even harder. Right when the show ended, lightning struck the block and all the power went out. No better way to end a zombie dance!

A night never to be forgotten. So awesome.

Less Talk, More Arms, More Legs

I have a lot of things to blog about that I haven't made time for. I will get on that.

But today I went out early to go get applications for jobs. I on a whim pulled out the scratched and unlabled CD from the bottom of my dresser drawer. It has been there since I've been home and I didnt know who's or what it was. Just thought it would be fun to find out today.

Well turns out it was this great upbeat indie CD that I have never heard before. I love it. I dont even know who the guy is, but he's great!

I was so happy and excited, so when I went to ask for applications I think I made a good impression.  This really cute girl at Blue Lemon loved me! All because of that CD! That, and the fact that I look really good today. I forgot to get her name though..

The CD was so fun, and it just felt so good out and driving around that I decided to go to AF and look for jobs there too, so I could listen to more of the CD.

Well, that plan was foiled when I got halfway there and realized how low the gas tank was.. but it bought me and extra 3 songs in the car.

Now Im gonna go fill out the application from Blue Lemon so I can go back and get that girls name.

Its just a good day.


UPDATE: It was the new album by Matt Pond PA! The Dark Leaves. I never listed to him, unless I was with my bro. That's why I didn't recognize it. But he is my new favorite.

And I never did see that girl again. I guess I'll just have to get the job If I wanna marry her.

Blind Pilot

My brothers, my dad and I all share similar taste in music. It is really fun to tap their brains for new music and share with them what I find. I found this band about 3 years ago. It is the first band I found that my brother Adam has really loved. Their first CD is amazing! And they will be releasing their second soon, and I am drooling as I listen to these clips from it.

Single Saturday

Last week there was this mysterious carnival that came to town. They had rides and Carni games and everything. But nobody knew what it was for. It wasn't advertised, and the one night I went to check it out, it was deserted. Lights on, rides going, music playing... But no one was there.. It was really creepy. I felt like I was in a Goosebumps episode. Then, the next day, it was gone.. Just disapeared like it was never there.. So odd.

Well, turns out it was supposed to be a part of the "Highland Fling". I guess they were trying something new this year. I don't think they got the reception they were looking for.. Unless "Abandoned Carnival horror show" was what they were going for. In that case.. Smashing success!

Regardless, I doubt if they will try it again next year. They probably lost a ton of money.

Luckily, the Highland Fling itself was wonderful. It might just be the nostalgia, but I LOVE the Fling. We got there early enough to catch the end of a magic show. They guy was crazy! He was old and more of comedian than magician. Then we grabbed a blanket and picked a spot as close to the fireworks as we could get. Me, Sam, Kimmie, Michael Tom and his fiance Hailey. Kim was freaking out because it is her last week as 'single'. But she was loving it, trying to convince everyone to dance with her. She kept saying "This is the best day of my life!" and "Single Saturday!" and "I'm so happy right now!" all night long.

Sam asked this lady behind us to take a picture of us. You woulda thought he had asked her to wipe his butt by the way she reacted. I have never seen someone so disgusted to take a picture. He asked her like 3 times before she even responded.. Then she just sighed and stood up, took the camera and took the picture without saying a word. What a buzz kill.. We just tried to take pictures of ourselves the rest of the night.

.

The Picture the rude lady took. Her boyfriend is in the back.

How do you accidentally make that face when you are in charge of taking the picture?

Kimmie's Last "Single Saturday"

 

If you can see, Kimmie tried to be in this pic. Didnt work out. Bad Lighting?

Such a ridiculous night. I feel like the Highland Fling always ends up with some punk kids mocking us for being dorks, and then us mocking them mocking us. Too funny! Cracks me up. We are out of control.

Afterwards, everyone came over to my house to watch Clash of the Titans and eat doughnuts. It was a good night.

1 man, 12 chicken wings, 30 minutes.

The Wing Challenge at Wing Shack. When I first heard of it, I have to be honest, it sounded easy. Even if it was their spiciest sauce. I love food and I love it spicy. Should be good right?

So Sam, Casey, Nate, Danny and I all head on over to the wing shack. I just wanted to play it cool, like I just was there for a meal. But everyone was trying hard to make it a big deal.. I walked up to the front of the store and, trying to look very bored, said, "Yeah... I'll get the wing challenge?" to which the cashier responds excitedly "The wing challenge!" completely blowing my nonchalance.

As the food was cooking I started to get a bit nervous.. I had just spent the last few days telling everyone how easily I would be able to do this.. But what if I failed? No living it down.

Soon the guy comes out with our orders and sets the food in front of me. The fumes from the sauce stung my eyes... but it wasn't the spiciness that worried me. Casey said his stomach simply couldn't hold the food. But wings aren't very big.

Well, turns out there is a bit more to it. You cant have any drink, you cant dip them in any other sauces, and you gotta down it in 30 min. Also.. a bit of false advertising going on. These are no chicken wings. These are big chicken strips! Whatever. No backing down.

The worker tells me the rules and says, just tell me when your ready and I'll start the timer. Without even looking up I said "I'm ready now" and picked up the first strip with my fingers and started eating.

I got the first 8 down and had 16 minutes left.. But boy.. It was killing me. The chicken was right out of the oven hot and it wasn't the sauce that was burning my mouth. At this point it felt like a gross warm pit in my stomach, heavy as a rock. I began to just chew the damned things in huge bite and force it to the back of my throat with my tongue and let my reflexes do the rest, trying the whole time to taste it as little as possible. My mouth was so bored of the flavor that my body wanted to reject it.

 Every once in a while the guys would give words of encouragement or ask me how I was doing. I would just shrug it off and say "fine" and then change the subject. I didn't want to dwell on it. Mind over matter. Those last four where really getting to me.

2 minuets left, 1 wing to go.

I took the whole thing in my mouth and started mindlessly chewing and swallowing, even though my belly wanted nothing to do with it. But it does what I say, so it took the abuse.

Then...

Victory! And not a moment too soon.

To celebrate I drank TONS of liquid and topped it off with orange leaf frozen yogurt.

In case your wondering what I got for nearly killing myself with chicken; a $10 gift certificate, a tee shirt, and my picture on the Wing Shack wall of fame.

I also got a burning food baby trying to rip its was out of me. Over 24 hours later and I am still dealing with the aftermath. Sick all last night and this morning, and just a few minutes ago it came back. Right when I started describing the events..

I may never want another chicken wing in my life, and I probably did permanent damage to the inner wall of  my intestines..

...Totally worth it.

Here we go Again

Do you know these guys?

Well they used to be these guys.

See that guy second from the left? That is my brother Michael. Neon Trees used to play privet shows in my home and record songs in my basement when my brother was part of the band. He and his two friends left the band after a fall out and the remaining members, Chris and Tyler, moved to California and picked up that new bass player and the chick on the drums.

A few month before I left on my mission I heard that they signed a record deal.

About a year into my mission my family told me how popular they were becoming. Then I started hearing their stuff on the radio when we would be in stores and restaurants... Do you know how weird that was? To hear my bros old band all over the place in Canada!? So WEIRD! My worlds were colliding!

Their style has really changed... Personally I think they sold out for a more universal sound. But whatever. I'm not trying to be a hater, I just really like there old stuff better. The stuff they played in my basement. Songs like "phones" "modern romantics" and the Original "1983"

This was one of their bests.

Sensitive, Its True

I've fallen back in love with Canadian, lesbian, indie rock duo 'Tegan and Sara'. With that many controversial adverbs you know their good.

check it out



I like em twice as much now that I know they are from Canada.

A new CD of theirs came out a while ago. I'm loving this song and learning the dance moves.



So good. I have yet to listen to the whole album because I put this song on repeat. Love it!

The "Muffcake"

Near the end of my mission I heard rumors about myself being labeled a "muffcake". I had never heard the word before, but they were using it in terms of someone who is overly flirtatious with girls; In this case, the sister missionaries.

Fist off, I would like to say that Urban Dictionary's definition of muffcake is completely different and disturbing, so I think they were using it wrong...

Secondly, I felt like I had a good friendship with some of the sisters and never set out to flirt with anyone. But since I didn't (a) hate/make fun of them or (b) avoid them, It sure looked like flirting to the them...

Well, I just shrugged it off, only slightly bugged that high school seemed to have followed me into the mission field, and continued on.

Well, today I met up with two of those sisters from my mission and went hiking.

It was the first time any of us had been hiking in almost 2 years. We originally planed to hike to Timp cave, but the wait was outrageous. So we headed up to silver lake instead.

We had a good time, and they are both just as fun back home as they were before. The entire trip I tried to communicate without using their names because every time I did it either came out "Sister..." or just felt very awkward. Aubrianne said it felt like we were kids playing a game and giving each other fake names. So true. So fake. So awkward.

Still, nothing is happening between any of us and no flirting was involved. I don't think any of us are looking for that right now anyway. Still kinda weird just hanging out with girls.. But I am considering sending the photos to a few Elders in the mission right now and just letting the rumors fly. Gotta keep my legend fresh somehow.

Judgment Day

There is this couple next to me that is drunk/fighting as they use the computers.. They are on opposite sides of the table and he keeps yelling for her to come over and look at something, and she keeps coming, and then he tells her to get away from him.. in very vulgar terms... and she just takes it and goes back to her computer. I would so dump him. In fact, I would probably poor some hot liquid on him and then dump him. Then I would break a window in his car... (but he probably dosent have one).

But she wont. She will probably take it all her life and they will have 4 beautifully miserable kids together and he will be a jerk his whole life and she will do nothing. And then "monkey see monkey do" and the cycle will continue... It is so sad. I hate having to be around this all the time. PA is so ghetto and gross. Dont get me wrong. I love it here. So many people willing to listen. but it is such a miserable little city.

I cant tell you how much missionaries (not from Utah) will make fun of Utah. And I know its not perfect, but I love my happy little vally, and I defend it to the end. I believe it is better than the alternative. This couple is a model of like 30-40% of the relationships up here in PA. It is so disturbing I want to barf.

We were watching mormon messages the other day. We watched one about this civility experiment. It was very good. This homeless man they interview says some very profound things. He talks about how, he believes, there are more ways to do good in this world than to do bad. But its up to us to make the choice. He also says that the majority of people are mostly good. Its hard to believe it, but I do.

That drunk guy just left and, in a loud whisper, ever so "slyly" told his girlfriend that he will go get them a "hit" and they will meet in the van in a few minutes...

And just as I finished that paragraph.. What great timing.

Pray that the second coming holds off until PA is more ready for it.